Flowering Fridays: On Impermanence & Eternity & Remembering Bill

It sort of feels like saying the sky is blue.

(Meaning =it's so obvious, I don't know if I need to say it.)

But flowers are such a reminder about the impermanent nature of life.

No matter how precious a flower is, or how sturdy — no flower can last forever.

Logically, I know this.

But rationally part of me wants the flower to live forever.

There is such radiance in the flower, such love, so much (to me, at least) a sense of the eternal and the divine that I wonder, how could a flower ever die?

It is so full of life, of beauty, of sacredness.

But, of course, the flowers do die.

Eventually.

Each flower has its own timing. Some blooms last a long time. Some only a day.

And no matter how long the flower lives, their beauty and their radiance will always live on in the hearts of those of us lucky enough to have viewed them.

I know how precious each flower is, how impermanent and how perfect each flower's journey is.

And yet, I'm always a little bit sad when the flower dies.

Because while there will always be more flowers, there will never, ever be that particular flower again.

The impermanent nature of flowers is a reminder for me to be in the now, to appreciate what is in the moment and know that nothing lasts forever.

I am in Pennsylvania this weekend grieving the passing and celebrating the life of my stepbrother-in-law, Bill, who passed away at age 38 after a five-month journey with lung cancer.

There is part of me that feels his was a flower that died too soon.

But I also know that the gift that he was to his wife, to his two kids, to his family and to ours will live on.

I will always remember Bill for his big smile, his love of Ohio State, his easy laugh and our shared love of ice cream.

So while I know that Bill, the man, is no longer blooming on this earth, I know that Bill, the spirit, blooms wide in the vastness of eternity.

It's an interesting (and sometimes confounding) paradox for me — to be both impermanent and eternal. But it's how I see flowers. It's how I see Bill. And it's how I see life.

Image: Guillardia, Garden Arts, New Smyrna Beach, Florida, January 2010

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Flowering Fridays is a weekly look at flowers through the lens of what they might teach us about flowering fully in our life. Past editions are here.

Monday Musings: The Gift of Listening

"With the gift of listening comes the gift of healing."

— Catherine de Hueck Doherty

Flowering Fridays: What I'm Noticing

One of the things I love about my practice of taking flower photos is that it offers me the chance to pause and notice flowers (and really, all of my life) in greater detail.

Take the above photo.

There is so much I would have missed had I not stopped to notice.

Like how the fluted petals make it look like a royal attendant shouting a proclamation.

I'm not even sure what kind of flower it is.

(Um, is it the "pretty yellow one with thingys hanging out" flower?!)

But the act of taking regular pictures of flowers has really helped me to hone my noticing skills.

Another way my noticing skills have been supported in the past year has been by my membership in Jen Louden's Comfort Cafe & Life Spa community.

I am not an active member on her lively and support forum (and I realize I'm missing out on a community of pretty fabulous women), but I do download and listen to the teleseminars she hosts each month and always read the email messages she sends out.

I particularly appreciate that there's no guilt whatsover or "have-tos" with the Comfort Cafe — I can choose what most feeds me at this time and savor it!

For me, the monthly investment is a bargain for all the value I get from Jen's wise, practical and comforting wisdom.

One thing I learned from Jen is a way of noticing what I'm experiencing at any given moment of my day, and just observing it.

It's a way of me turning the muscle I've build around noticing and appreciating flowers and turning the lens to myself.

This noticing is something I often turn to when I need to get out of a kind of funk or a stuck place.

Like today, here is what I'm noticing:

I notice that my body feels so much better when I do yoga and meditation first thing in the morning.

I notice that that the idea of eating cheese pizza sounds good, but in reality I notice that I feel really lousy for a full 24 hours afterward.

I notice that I don't have a good structure for shifting in the moment when I want to eat something that I know my body doesn't prefer.

I notice that I'm really angry and frustrated that our "old" house still hasn't sold.

I notice that I'm feeling very sad and weepy that my step-brother-in-law, Bill, (who has lung cancer at age 38) has been moved to hospice and is dying.

I notice that after writing about the house and about Bill, I got up and went looking for food in the kitchen. (Decided to heat up some leftover for dinner when no good dark chocolate was found.)

I notice that I'm more alert, happier, more focused, and sleep better when I am in bed by 10 p.m. and can read a bit first.

I notice that I do have more self-care tools and kinder self-talk than I did a year ago.

Thanks to Jen, I love that I can now observe myself from a more detached place.

I can just notice. Without as much judgement or blame or shame or self-loathing. As if I'm collecting data or a clinical observer of my life.

Just noticing what's so for me in this moment. Noticing it as a way of claiming it and bringing it the light of my gaze.

And when I can notice in this way, I notice that there is more space, more peace and more love available.

Tell me, what are you noticing about yourself and your needs today?

P.S. There's more to this technique than just noticing. (Although the noticing is pretty powerful stuff.) You'll have to join the Cafe or attend one of Jen's live or virtual retreats to experience to learn more.

A great opportunity is coming up next week: Jen's annual three-day Virtual Retreat. Not only do you get the opportunity to learn from Jen; she's also got 13 other awesome teachers lined up (like Patti Digh, Katie Goodman, Christina Baldwin, Hiro Boga, Fabeku, Julie Ann Turner, Camille Maurine...heck, I could list all of them as they are just about the most inspiring group of people I could imagine having in one place.

Jen's Virtual Retreat website lists this event as "Recharge your mojo and get into action with me and 13 world famous heart expanding teachers without getting out of your pj’s."

I'm signed up and so looking forward to it. If you're inclined to join, you might to act today, as it's the last day to get Early Pricing (a wonderful $50 off).

And if you don't sign up, you might just notice what you could do for yourself over the the next few days that would be kind and nurturing for you.

Photo by me; taken at Garden Arts, New Smyrna Beach, Florida, January 2010

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Flowering Fridays is a weekly look at flowers through the lens of what they might teach us about flowering fully in our life. Past editions are here.