Flowering Fridays: Thoughts on a Slow Bloom
Friday, July 10, 2009 at 12:01AM 
Beginning blooms of a daisy, in the garden of my grandparent's old house
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.— E.B. White
Having become something of a semi-expert in the watching of flowers bloom, I know that this much is true:
There are times when the bloom happens easily, and times when the blooming takes it good ole time.
I am definitely a slow moving bloom of late.
I just want to be. To soak up. To take in.
I'm a little too into the energy of summer right now.
(I'm having a great time, of course. I've been walking and loving up a calf. And yesterday we had dinner in our pjs bed and went to bed at 8 p.m.)
But I'm like a melty ice cream cone. All soft and mushy and, to be a honest, a bit messy, too.
Anything that remotely looks like responsibility I am resisting. My "to-do" list for the day is rebelled against like a teenager with an 8 p.m. curfew.
Of course, some of this impulse is good — and needed.
I can sometimes be too much work and not enough play.
But I sense there is bit of fear and procrastination at work here, too.
Because I'm noticing that I'm resisting moving forward on my book project.
Oh, the ways I invent to procrastinate.
I wipe off the countertops, surf the web mindlessly, organize my closet, or have a sudden need for a tall, decaf, nonfat, iced latte.
I'm finding that I'm procrastinating even with the simplest action steps on the book.
Even with a teeny-weeny one, I am resisting.
And it's because I'm scared.
And since I'm aware enough to know this, my next question is what to do with this information.
Do I let the blooming on this project slow down a bit to honor where I'm at right now?
Do I break off my action steps into even smaller ones?
(Like itsy-bitsy ones. Ones that even a spider could manage.)
Or do I explore the source of this fear that keeps me from blooming bigger in the world?
(Because in my heart and soul, I so want to offer this project to the world. I really truly do.)
I don't have an answer at this moment (it might be a combination of all three that's needed), but it's a question I'm going to ponder for the next few days and see what emerges.
Tell me, what is your process when you notice that you are not blooming forward on a project that you really want to bloom big with?
*************
Flowering Fridays is a weekly look at flowers through the lens of what they might teach us about flowering fully in our life. Past editions are here.
Reader Comments (8)
Dear Shannon.. always is a great pleasure to be here..read you..you reflect many aspects of our daily lives...I think that your internal process is normal...while i was reading you..I remembered the words of Bob Proctor in the movie "The secret"; What do you really want? if you really know what you want to express in your book: do it Shannon..do it...express exactly how you feel inside of you..which your internal blocks are..your fears..in my last email I told you this .. The flowers are looked like souls…like the snowdrop...they live in the snow..and grow..in hard conditions...
they need this conditions to grow happy...like us... we need to live hard experiences to bloom in love...to bloon bigger inthe world, and we can do it! do it shannon..
which are your hard (internal ) conditions? if they emerge..hold them,..love them...they are their own place in you. It's all part of the process...trust in you...
I love reading you!
LOve and light for you forever
monny from Buenos Aires, Argentine
God´s in you Shannon
Oh, Monny, you brought tears to my eyes. Yes, I so needed to hear that. Thank you, beautiful flower. I am going to share your wisdom on this blog next week — you *get* flowers!! Thank you for the wise and kind words.
I saw this quote this morning and it resonated deeply with me:
"Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it... that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear."
- Dale Carnegie
Thank you the gift that you, Monny.
Much love and light!
Shannon
Great post, lovely flowers! It describes where I am so well. I've seen buds that have dried up and failed to flower, It's sad. I'm off to do a tiny step towards creating my first audio file!
Thanks so much,
Lynne
Lynne,
Thank you for taking the time to comment — and hooray for the small step toward your audio file.
How did it go? Keep me posted.
Today, it's interesting, I'm feeling a bit clearer and more motivated (although haven't done anything *yet*!) just having named where I'm at in this post. At lunch, I clearly said to my sister-in-law "this is a project I'm committing to for five years" — and it felt great to say that. (I'm normally pretty commitment-phobic on such things!)
Hope your public naming brings a new opening for you, too.
Love and light,
Shannon
I enjoy your gift... your words are blossoms! thank you!
Wild tiger lilly's came in to view this week out on the trail... Beautiful flower that lasts for a good period here in the Sierra foothills, where the forest floor is extremely dry in summer. The leaves on the stock in dry remission, allowing roots and flower to receive the water needed for this summer's presentation, and generously and selflessly surrendering itself to it's root, where water will sustain it's life for another year, years, and beyond perhaps.
Reminds me of looking back seven generations and planning forward seven generations. Also though, being here in the present... where I can look back, and forward. And what choices I am making, as shiny objects (some on the to do list) attempt to engage my attention.
Effortlessness comes to mind. Sit back, let it all be. I see the big bloom coming, the project is HUGE, and all I have to do is let is all be.
Can it really be this simple?
Shannon -
Every time I visit your blog, something you've said resonates with me. Oh yes, I have been down the road you're on several times in my life and I'm actually on that road again right now. I've been talking about REALLY getting into writing for over a year (freelancing, writing a book for young adults, etc.), but I'm scared that I won't do things the right way to really get it going properly so I just don't do them at all. Recently, I realized that it doesn't feel right not to include photography in my future plans as well. It's my passion and I get a great deal of positive feedback from others on my photos, yet self-doubt about my lack of "formal" training and my fear of failure have kept my dream of a photography business somewhere in the background. Recently, though, I've started voicing positive thoughts about that idea and giving myself permission to dream a little bigger and it feels great! I do agree that sometimes just voicing our fears helps us move past them a bit more (as you mentioned in a comment to Lynne). I do hope you'll keep following your dream! You have so much inspiration to share with others!!
I haven't made much time for Twitter recently (so busy with three kids home in the summer!), but have been wondering how you're doing and realized I could check out your blog and probably find out! Glad I stopped by!
Kelly
Shannon,
It's such a delight to hear you talking about a book project! I can't wait to hear more about it.
Your flowers warrant a book project of their own. Exquisite.
Kris
Sweet friend Shannon....
You sign every message "In love and light" and its an affirmation for you and all that clarity and the tenderness that unfolds it and the wisdom that discerns it and the compassion that holds it and nurtures it --is here. is now.
Fear -- in my best sense of right now -- is the supposition of the opposite "in disgust and darkness"
sorry to be so blunt.
But you no more would sign off a letter, email or note that way than you would agree to those forces having dominance in your days. In fact, they're not true powers. just seem to be at times.
Keeping it sweet and simple: You are IN Love and Light. Even in the moments of 'how is little me sposed ta do biggie that?" It's come to you. That alone is the confirmation you'll know what you need to as you need to. I'm all about the teeny steps these days. Surely you've helped remind of that so much. Holding hands....here's to being IN love and light... for all of us