Monday Musings: A Life of Paradox
Monday, September 14, 2009 at 12:01AM 
Morning glories in our garden
When we are willing to exchange our life of preoccupation with “me” and “my needs” for a life given in the service of love itself, of that presence itself, we are faced with an interesting paradox.
On one side of the paradox, we recognize that everything is perfect just as it is. When the chatter of the mind recedes just a little bit, when the smells, colors, and textures of the world become more immediately felt, we recognize the grace running through it all. Even in conflict, or in the midst of what we call suffering, if we are really in touch with the pulse of life itself, we can feel the beauty of it all.
On the other side of the paradox, we realize that everything is continuously evolving. Our human condition, as it is now, is flawed with unconscious habits, addictions, and compulsions. In seeing the gap between who we are today and who we could be, seeing the trickle of gifting that’s coming through us relative to the latent torrent that we intuit, we bow in humility.
When we look down from our resting point on the mountain, we may marvel at how far we have come from the valley below, but when we look up, the peaks are still lofty and daunting, and we know there is still much more to discover.
Between these two poles of paradox, that everything is perfect as it is on one side and everything is evolving and imperfect on the other side, lies the art of translucent spiritual practice—the art of practice with no goal.— from Introduction to Leap Before You Look: 72 Shortcuts for Getting Out of Your Mind and Into the Moment by Arjuna Ardagh,
I love, love, love this book and CD set by Arjuna Ardagh; it has wonderful exercises to cultivate mindfulness. (They are even rated on their degree of difficulty). You can download a free sample with several exercises and MP3 files from here.
P.S. Update on my mom: On Friday afternoon, my mom's condition became very unstable, and she is back in a medically induced coma. They are thinking she might have had a stroke, but she is too unstable to get an MRI or a CAT scan. The doctors are starting to wonder if they are helping her at all — they told my sister they are wondering if she is suffering too much and if they are only prolonging her death. She has only been off sedation or awake for a few days in the last month, and she was showing signs last week of "cognitive damage." There is a meeting today to discuss next steps, including whether to take Mom off the ventilator. Such a hard choice to face. I continue to stand in the trust that there is love with her and all of us every step of the way.
Shannon Jackson Arnold
An update on my Mom: my sister, my brother and I had a conversation with the pulmonologist today (Monday). The bottom line: we are going to wait a few days and see how Mom does.
Her pulmonologist is looking to see signs of less oxygen needed and less ventilator support as signs of her improving. A couple of things they've identified that might help her recovery: Mom's tracheostomy is malfunctioning so that will be fixed today, and they are looking for ways to wean her of sedation without having her go through withdrawal. (They are thinking her instability might be exacerbated by the fact she is going through withdrawal from the medications; hence the sweating, the rapid heart rate, etc.)
The doctors are thinking Mom's ARDS was caused from aspirating into her lungs after her knee replacement surgery. As for the possibility of brain damage (encephalopathy), the doctor said he did not believe that she has bleeding on the brain or had a stroke. He said it would take several weeks off sedation before he could say whether there was any permanent brain damage. He said it can take the brain a long time to recover off sedation and that Mom's young age meant that her brain would likely heal.
Bottom bottom line: more patience, more trust, more sending Mom the knowledge that she is surrounded by love and light every step of this journey. This morning, I read this quote in the October issue of Body & Soul magazine that spoke to me deeply:
"Trusting without knowing makes the world alive with possibility."
It is my intention to continue to be present and to trust without knowing.
Reader Comments (4)
Shannon,
Always trust your sense of highest right.
Lean on that no matter what authorities say what.
Agendas you can not conceive may be at work.
Defend what you feel is right. always. no pressure. ever.
No matter what.
Stand and trust and lean and trust.
Something woke me up. I found your post.
Sending deep love your way.
You are brave...sending big love.
wow..what a tender update...you are amazing shannon...just standing...and know i'm standing with you....you momma is soo governed and loved by God...as are you and all your family. love to you friend...
Shanon, so sorry to hear about your mom's struggles - and your family's. Even though we've never met (yet!) I'm sending many hugs your way... Susan