New Tracks

Bird tracks in the snow outside my window

Someone I loved once gave me

a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand

that this, too, was a gift.

— Mary Oliver, "The Uses of Sorrow" from Thirst (one of my library reads this week)

During my morning pages today, I noticed what my first thoughts are upon waking.

I'm tired. I don't want to get up. I think I gained weight again. I have too much to do. Nothing ever changes. I'm a loser because it's 7:30 a.m. and I didn't get up at 6 a.m. as I had intended.

And on and on. 

Needless to say, these aren't exactly the kind of thoughts that make me want to jump out of bed and greet the day with joy, energy and gratitude. 

It was a subtle noticing today — but profound.

So as a first step I decided to do things differently today as a way of shifting my energy — small steps towards standing in the ease, joy, peace, flow and abundance that I know is my birthright and our natural state of being.

My different tracks for today:

- wearing three necklaces (thanks to my sweet friend Tracy for the inspiration; last night she had several necklaces on and I just loved the look!)

- listening to Pandora (my station du jour Contemporary Folk)

- doing my hair differently.

- wearing my clothes in a different combination today.

- making an extra nice breakfast for myself.

- playing with having a time contest with myself to see how fast I can get things done.

- breathing and repeating "I can do it, I can make positive changes in my life." (Thanks to Louise Hay's Affirmation Kit for that affirmation.)

- noticing the juncos outside my window, hopping about on the snow, making tracks and pecking for seed. I notice how without worry they are, even in the midst of the bitter cold of winter.

- thinking about flowers: Does a flower struggle to grow and bloom? Does it worry? Beat itself up? No. It trusts. It strives upward. It follows the pull of what it came here to do: take root, emerge, bloom and cast seeds.

And that is what I am here to do, too. 

Granted, these aren't earth-shattering changes, but these small steps — these new tracks to my worn out morning music — were enough of a shift and helped me see that things can be different. Just because my first thoughts weren't energizing or loving doesn't mean my whole day has to be depleting and mean to myself.

I can change. I know I can.

Tell me, what's one thing you could do differently today to experience more joy, ease, energy and flow?

What I'm Reading: Library Version

late night reading, taken with iPhone at midnight

I mentioned here that I went to the library Friday night. Thankfully, my local library is open until 9 p.m. on Friday nights, and so after a dinner with the family, I headed over to browse.

Part of what I love about the library is that I wander the aisles and see what catches my fancy. What's more I can check out a huge stack of books. For. Free.  (sigh. pure bliss.)

So far my favorite of the books has been A Map to the Next World by Joy Harjo.

I'm so loving this book!! I am going to buy it. Here's a taste from the poem, "humans aren't the only makers of poetry":

The young banana tree is making poetry; I see how it translates the wind.

The need to make songs is inherent in all life. 

My first exposure to Harjo was in a college English course. On page 2548 of the second volume of the Heath Anthology of American Literature was a poem of hers that I have long loved, called Remember. One of my favorite lines:  

"Remember the dance that language is, that life is."

Last night, it was delight to find her blog here and on her webiste you can listen to her reading some poems, too. (Go here.) (Who knew that she was also making music, plays saxophone and has a band?)

I also found these clips on You Tube.

A short feature called Joy Harjo's Reality Show.

And Nearly Unbearable Grace: The Poetry of Joy Harjo, a longer lecture taped by University of California Television.

 Tell me, why do you love the library?

I love the library for the way it opens me up to new books, new writers, new things to love and savor.

Are You Washable?

photos taken with iPhone 

Check out this sweet card that Grace made for Michael. As she is learning to write and spell, she has been taking words she sees and incorporating them into her writing. 

I love this card — and as I dive in and get dirty in the game of life, I will remember that:

Above all, I am washable.